These last few weeks have been a massive learning curve for me. I’ve had rough times in my life but these last few weeks have really tested my resilience and helped put some things back into perspective. I’ve reconnected with some of my loves (my sewing machines) and made some convertible clothes that have helped me feel like me again.
During the course of writing notes about what it’s like to be a woman, and a mum, in business – it has helped ground me back again to realise that some of these things that i’m going through are actually limiting beliefs and even irrational beliefs (if you’re interested in the psychology around this you could look up Albert Ellis). There is a tendency we have as humans to ‘awfulize’ our situations to a point where it is difficult to pull out of it and very easy to fall into what I call the victim mentality. This space is not healthy, doesn’t help anyone and causes undue stress on everyone around you. You know the feeling of being around someone who no matter what you say or do, always sees the bad in things and drains your own personal resilience.
| It’s quite hard reading so i’m going to paraphrase some of the things we tend to generalise 1. It is absolutely critical for humans to be loved and approved by every other person in their community 2. If you’re not perfect at everything, you’re worthless 3. People must absolutely be considerate and fair at all times, and if you’re not, you’re a bad person – you become the sum of your behaviour 4. If something is scary, then you should always be concerned or afraid of this happening There are a few other ones – but these are the ones that really stand out to me because I see this behaviour in myself. I’ve learned to see these pop up in my thoughts, especially around not being a good person, or some people around me not valuing what I believe to be true. Looking at these critically, and treating myself like a friend – I’ve been looking at these statements and can see how I have been blowing some of these things out of control in my mind, and actually, by standing back and looking at them constructively it has been easier to breathe and get through the self doubt. |
If anyone else is going through this – a really good exercise in mindfulness is to seriously look and write down what areas are causing challenges. I find that when I do this, I often start to generalise and really put myself down, with no reference to why I’m feeling that way. Tracking that feeling back to something that had happened or triggered that behaviour helps me to cut that off next time it occurs and identify the limiting belief that is driving that.
Strive to be kind. Both to yourself and the people around you – think about how you show up.