Wine and Sewing

These last few weeks have been a massive learning curve for me. I’ve had rough times in my life but these last few weeks have really tested my resilience and helped put some things back into perspective. I’ve reconnected with some of my loves (my sewing machines) and made some convertible clothes that have helped me feel like me again.

During the course of writing notes about what it’s like to be a woman, and a mum, in business – it has helped ground me back again to realise that some of these things that i’m going through are actually limiting beliefs and even irrational beliefs (if you’re interested in the psychology around this you could look up Albert Ellis). There is a tendency we have as humans to ‘awfulize’ our situations to a point where it is difficult to pull out of it and very easy to fall into what I call the victim mentality. This space is not healthy, doesn’t help anyone and causes undue stress on everyone around you. You know the feeling of being around someone who no matter what you say or do, always sees the bad in things and drains your own personal resilience.

It’s quite hard reading so i’m going to paraphrase some of the things we tend to generalise 1. It is absolutely critical for humans to be loved and approved by every other person in their community 2. If you’re not perfect at everything, you’re worthless 3. People must absolutely be considerate and fair at all times, and if you’re not, you’re a bad person – you become the sum of your behaviour 4. If something is scary, then you should always be concerned or afraid of this happening There are a few other ones – but these are the ones that really stand out to me because I see this behaviour in myself. I’ve learned to see these pop up in my thoughts, especially around not being a good person, or some people around me not valuing what I believe to be true. Looking at these critically, and treating myself like a friend – I’ve been looking at these statements and can see how I have been blowing some of these things out of control in my mind, and actually, by standing back and looking at them constructively it has been easier to breathe and get through the self doubt.

If anyone else is going through this – a really good exercise in mindfulness is to seriously look and write down what areas are causing challenges. I find that when I do this, I often start to generalise and really put myself down, with no reference to why I’m feeling that way. Tracking that feeling back to something that had happened or triggered that behaviour helps me to cut that off next time it occurs and identify the limiting belief that is driving that.

Strive to be kind. Both to yourself and the people around you – think about how you show up.

And why does it hinder our work

The imposter syndrome is a psychological term referring to a pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Imposter syndrome can affect both men and women. It’s the sense that you don’t deserve the accomplishments that have happened. Why do we have these thoughts that we aren’t good enough?

So why is it that we feel like a fraud?

There is a lot of research done into this and basically, it is a thing, no one’s denying that, so how does it seem that some people just don’t have it?

I think all that you can do is accept that others have it, they just don’t necessarily show it to you. Nor should they – that is their truth. You might see some of this behavior in others when they make excuses for their work, or if they are complemented, they will find a way to deflect because it is uncomfortable.

There is also another term that comes into play in the setting with imposter syndrome. This is called pluralistic ignorance. In social psychology, pluralistic ignorance is a situation in which a majority of group members privately reject a norm, but go along with it because they assume, incorrectly, that most others accept it. This is also described as “no one believes, but everyone thinks that everyone believes”. When combined with impostor syndrome where someone thinks they’re in the wrong place because they feel like a fraud – because everyone else seems to believe in what is happening or is saying! Can you see how derailing this is for our fuckedup brains?! We are actively telling it to go along with something it doesn’t believe and makes it feel wrong!

So now you’re there, in a meeting, with all these people who are throwing arounds words like ‘ let’s reach out and touch base with these so and so people about this *words that don’t make any sense but are now in the vernacular* and we will get the outcomes we want……. Yeah, nah.

So you’ve got a couple of options, keep you head down and go with the flow – realise you probably won’t get caught cause either no one else agrees or no one else knows what’s going on……OR speak up and own your truth. Ask those questions, bitch. Make it make sense to you and find concrete actions. This is a sure fire way to get you to stand out and feel less like an imposter. The first time you open your mouth, you’ll probably want to crawl under a rock because you think everyone else gets it –but I guarantee they don’t (but please don’t stalk me if I’m wrong!).

Performance reviews are again, good for this type of issue but the culture of asking for feedback in what you’ve done well and why, can be very daunting.

[snippet from my chapter on imposter syndrome]

Creating a Mission Statement and Strategy

If you are in a new role, you are going to need to develop this yourself. This is the fun part. Research, research, research. I can’t stress that enough. Do not try to come up with something off the bat and think it’s awesome. If you’re new to a role, it can take up to 8 months to learn the role even if you think you’re all over it so don’t get too cocky. If it falls to you to do this, work with your manager or your peers in other organisations to figure out a common theme. If you can work with sister agencies and have a common mission statement to achieve something for the benefit of a whole, you’re going to immediately be seen as a leader and someone to stand with.

Here is the methodology I work through with everything I do….. It’s my process. I sit with ideas, what I’m trying to achieve, draw, sketch, talk, have multiple coffees with people and test out lots of mission statements to ensure I’ve got the general gist of what is going on. Sometimes in work it’s hard to ingest multiple streams of information.

I should note – I work in a data and information world, so my way of thinking might be unique to the speciality but I think the ground work of thinking is still there across any roles.

This stuff is common sense – we wouldn’t try to make up a new recipe to spaghetti Bolognese each time we wanted to make it, we look it up. Once you’ve done the work so many times, you will learn to memorize it and can throw in other ingredients depending on the audience.

I’d be keen to hear from people if you have any drastically different ways of working through things like this. In later articles i’ll go through the art of sensemaking with drawings.

Dealing with challenges in the workplace

Oh Hai guys! I’m now using this for all sorts, not just sewing – this one is about business, or more specifically – things I’ve learned and now sharing with the wide world. I’m in the process of writing a book (well, I’ve done most of it, found some peeps to help me, but to get it published, I need a following), and I want to know if what i’m writing will help any other aspiring women in business.

I’m going to post some excerpts and daily musings, sewing escapades, and funny stories about my kids because it’s fun for me 🙂

Do you ever feel like you aren’t sure you quite get what’s going on around you, like you just need a little bit more time to do something or do something….

When I start a new project or job, I refer to it as the 5 stages of grief (and interestingly, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross actually came up with this to describe the process patients go through in their diagnosis, not the loved ones or grief, so it’s more fitting to use it in this setting), but for the purposes of my life, I’m going to call it The F*cking Annoying Process that I go through every.single.time something challenging happens to me.

Denial ( I think of this as Oversimplify), you know – Oh yeah that sounds good, I get it, won’t take long, I’ll come back to you with a plan. Or if you got in trouble for something I would be more like ‘no that’s not what I meant, taken completely out of context, it’s not me at fault here’.

Anger: yeeeep, this generally comes in the form of frustration at work. For me, I know it’s coming. ‘Why don’t I get this?!’ it’s not that hard, it can’t be, everyone else gets it, grrrrrrrrrr

Bargaining: this is the point a lot of people stop – if you can get someone else to do what you don’t want to – awesome, but you won’t learn from it. There’s a reason so many leading authors talk about getting out of your comfort zone, or stretch goals. This is the stage where you will see yourself looking for another way of doing it that has been done before – like googling the terms you want to use and looking for similar resources. Sometimes it works, but for a lot of work, if you’re going through this process in the first place it’s because it hasn’t been done yet.

Depression (realism): This is when you hit the wall of NOPE. No resources, no time, still don’t understand what you’re trying to achieve. This bit is hard. But you can’t stay here – you still have to get up, do the thing you don’t want to and….good news…. It will pass if you trust the process. It’s that old saying – if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.

Acceptance (light bulb moment): This one will take as long as it takes to get there. But you seriously can’t force it. You can speed up the process if you know yourself well enough to identify which stage you’re up to and work with it. Problem solve with your own brain. This bit is the really cool bit. If you can get there – this makes everything worth it. The sky is the limit, all is well in the world and it feels just a little bit brighter.

The main thing to be aware of in this F*cking Annoying Process is that you don’t start from the beginning again! I’ve seen staff get to the point of almost getting it, getting some bad feedback and going right back to the beginning. It is a vicious cycle, and super annoying to everyone around you. If you need to go round the block again – do it in your own time!

Express it!

If you’re feeling it, there’s nothing wrong with identifying where you are to your manager or your peers.

Hopefully if I can just help one woman feel more present and seen and identify with other women out there, then I will be satisfied cause you know what, sometimes life is fucking hard and sometimes we have to put on our big girl panties and get on with it.

Big Loves xxoo

Oh hiiiiii (I’ve been listening to too much Oologies)

So when I got home on Friday, the kids were overjoyed to see mummy and have been very generous with get well soon cards and cuddles. Apparently not quite enough to stop fighting for more than 30 seconds, but you gotta take what you can.

This weekend has been about reconnecting with my fam and spending some quality time with them – though, to be fair, they can only sit still for so long, so my appeal quickly wanes.

We started with watercolour painting as it appealed to my sense of clean up ease. I was quite shocked and amazed at how interested they were and wanted to create. We have some amazing volcanoes and roads going on that are currently drying. I dived right in and decided to watch youtube videos of how to ‘do’ watercolour – turns out, you do you. I’m unsure how I feel about this but I did have fun creating some things.

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So, here you can see that I lack imagination but i’m at least giving it a go – art is subjective right lol

Next, Sam and I decided that the grapes had stayed on the vine far too long and it was time to try our hand at winemaking. The kids thought this was a great idea until they realised they actually needed to help for more than 5 minutes haha.

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Here is about 5 mins of grape picking and about 20 kg of grapes that needed to be de stemmed. Connor helped but Avery helped by “keeping you company mummy” with my crutches as a gun.

The grapes have now had the sugar and yeast added and now we wait for the wine to come (you see, even when I can’t drink, I’m still planning the wine!)

Next was a huge batch of Kombucha that I’m going to mix with grape syrup (saved some and making syrup for the kids) to see if I can ferment a low alcoholic grape/ wine kombucha. Wish me luck.

Today, the kids are back at their respective learning places, husband is at work, and I’m gazing at the housework and talking to you guys.

xoxo

Yeah, I know, not sewing or drinking related but unfortunately i’m not doing a heck of a lot of either right now. I have some things lined up once I can sit at my machine again, but for the next wee while the blog will focus on some makes I have done recently and some crafts I’m attempting to take up. It will be a journey in itself – come along, grab a vodka and settle in to the exciting world of bedrest and recovery 🙂 And please leave me some notes cause this shit is lonely and boring.

On the 6th March I had surgery on my left knee to fix up the Medial Patello Femoral Ligament (MPFL) where they take some Hamstring muscle and graft it around the kneecap using screws. It’s been an ongoing weakness for me since childhood with dislocated knees but surprisingly, far from the most urgent surgery i’ve undertaken, until last year. I was playing a game of netball in a corporate games night and fell on it wrong. I had assumed i’d just dislocated it again but when I looked down, my entire top and bottom of the leg were in different places. I pushed them back together as best I could, but the pain did not stop.

I did have some fun with the medics when they turned up – I was lucky enough to have ones that were training and I took great joy in my pain of making them uncomfortable and trying to get them to try the ‘good drugs’. Hospital had me all fixed up in no time but the recovery was haaaard. the x-ray showed that my kneecap was still around the back of my knee and that i’d cracked it and another bone. The ultrasound showed a torn muscle (forget the name) lengthwise down the inside of the knee and the MRI showed that the mpfl was completely destroyed along with a couple of others, but the ACL was surprisingly still intact. Nothing could be done at the time as the swelling was too great, so it was crutches and physio for 6 months before the surgery was scheduled.

I should mention that my wonderful surgeon did explain that the surgery is not done to ease the pain, as it is a very painful recovery and surgery, but it would at least be stable. For me, having the decision to have the surgery or not, really wasn’t a choice. We have two young boys and I want to be able to do sports with them as they get older and at least go for a decent walk.

Surgery was last week, it went very well. I used it as a time of great rest and it already feels more stable than it did before surgery, even though it’s black and blue – literally. Here’s ma knees…

Next in the life of recovery will be the weekend arts and crafts projects 🙂

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After a stunning long weekend in which I got exactly zero sewing done, I was feeling a bit defeated this morning when I got dressed. So I decided to woman up and put on faux snakeskin – that makes life better right?!

Full disclosure – today is rough. I have had bad anxiety for years along with depression and it has gotten on top of me lately. I’m struggling to power through. But you know what – that’s ok and it’s ok to tell people about it. I’m medicated but sometimes it just doesn’t work. But that’s a post for another day – today is about kicking arse and keeping going in my faux snake top 🙂

I must preface this by saying that I LOVE the Favourite Tee Pattern. It is super fast and easy and a great staple for any wardrobe. Obviously you don’t need to go all out and do it with faux animal print – but I was in that kind of mood. This was intended to be a tunic length, but as you can see – it’s not quite long enough. I could probably rock it with actual tights and boots for a kick arse look – but I like my tunics to come to mid thigh more like a dress. If you look at the stock photos from the website, you’ll see loads of different styles that come with it. I love the curved hem look and will definitely be making more of these. Compared to the Laundry Day Tee, this is my fav. It’s a slimmer silhouette and more options I think.

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Some further photos that show that actual material close up. I thiiiink I got this from AS fabrics for my oldest son, to make a dragon costume out of, but clearly re-purposed it haha.

Material – It is a coated 4 way stretch. It would be great for many things.

Wine Pairing – I like a good red wine with this – Cab Sav. And kick arse music.

Sizing/ adjustments – I made an XL graded to XXL in the hips. I lengthened by 5 cm but did no other adjustments. It was my first time doing a curved hem this extreme and I wasn’t a big fan but love the look of it!

Measurements: Upper bust – 99cm, full bust – 110, underbust – 95cm, waist – 90cm, high hip – 105cm, full hip – 123cm

Today’s post is a look back to when I first started sewing for myself and was still learning how to do bands. This band is too wide but I actually like it wider. I went on to make so many of the Laundry Day Tee. This one and the Favourite Tee by Patterns for Pirates are my two go to top patterns. I just do a straight sew of a L to XL top version. This only takes 1 1/2 meters (but you could squeeze it out smaller if you colour blocked). I’ve never tried to do a FBA (Full Bust Adjustment) in this one – I guess you could, but I don’t see it making too much of a difference. I could also probably do a Sway Back Adjustment to get rid of some of the pooling in the back (you can kind of see the wrinkles). To be honest, this is such a quick and easy sew, it seems counterintuitive to make it more complicated – but I probably should start going back through my favs and adjusting them.

The good thing about having tried and true patterns is knowing the amount of time it takes to whip one up. I think this takes me about half an hour from start to finish – sooooo easy!

I don’t even need wine for this – maybe a light spritzer but it takes longer to pour and drink it than it does to make it……..

Next post I’ll do a comparison between the LDT and Fav Tee as they are quite similar in look, but not really 😉

Have a great Thursday!

I’ve been a bit quiet on here because I’ve been dealing with some things, but I’ve used the time wisely to work through a skirt pattern. I was determined to get a skirt block that actually fit me. I seem to be drawn to pencil skirts that are just too tight across the hips, then big in the waist, or dig in, or I can’t sit down in them. I set off down a rabbit hole of reading reviews, looking at tutorials and in the end decided to self draft.

I found this one which worked really well for me – check it out. There is a little bit of math involved (not much, promise). I’ve drafted the steps in my words below – hope it helps someone.

1. Measure your waist, high hip (you might wish for it to sit there) and full hip (your widest point). Mine were 89cm, 105cm,128cm respectively. So I used the widest measurement to divide by 4 and added 2 cm of ease and drew a rectangle with this width and the length I wanted to make the skirt.

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2. Next measure the length/ height of where you want the skirt to sit and your widest point
3. Draw your rectangle and find the high hip measurement (mine was 105cm so I divided that by 4 and added 2cm for the dart)
4. Mark that measurement at the top
5. Find the mid point of this and mark 1 cm either side of the midpoint to make the dart. Measure down 9cm and join it up
6. smooth the line between the top and widest point
7. Add 2cm above the high hip marking (you will need the height for your curves
8. Smooth out the line

Once you’ve got all that, you can cut out your pattern (I use pattern material rather than piecing paper together but you can really use whatever you want). I used the front and back exactly the same because I knew I would need to do a full bum and full belly adjustment so I just did a straight mock up to see how close it would get.

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So in the first photo you can see that it is pulling across the fullest part of my hips. I knew this would happen so I took it off and split the back to do a full bum adjustment but adding material and pinning until the pulling eased. Then I split the front and did a minor full belly adjustment. I then used my high hip measurement to draft out the waist band. I didn’t bother adding the waistband to the muslin.

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So here is take 2. You can see that the drag lines have nearly disappeared (I could probably adjust more if I wanted and I might next time but I thought this was pretty good!!)

Material: This is furnishing fabric so it is very heavy and unforgiving which is also why there are drag lines. I love it but next time I will use a lighter material.

Wine pairing: I made these during the day, so I’d like to say that I didn’t give that much thought to drinking – but that would be a lie, because, MATH!! nope nope nope. There was a lot of coffee involved.

I will now use this base as a way to make a pencil skirt by pegging it in around the knees.

So there you go – hope you enjoyed that and I hope to have another blog up in the next day or so, so stay tuned 🙂

This is another Sew to Grow Pattern (sorrynotsorry). It is the Noosa dress. I originally made a muslin with the elastic, but decided to omit it for the final and wear it either with a belt or as a true shift and chunky jewelry if I wanted to.

Here is the finished product. I was looking for a super simple sew that I could do without thinking too much and this is perfect. I didn’t even hem it, just overlocked it (no judgement, I was lazy)! I had this flannelette in my stash to make pajamas for the boys out of…… but then I decided I needed a tartan dress. It’s fuzzy, snuggly and I feel like I’m wearing pajamas at work #makemyownstyle

I did have a colleague ask if I was back at work yet cause I never look like I’m in work attire – I don’t know, thoughts? I really do wear what makes me happy on the day – I’ve never understood how people can plan their outfits for the week – it’s like way too much planning for me!

We were away for the weekend at the beach which was bliss. I gave a lot of thought to how this year will plan out sewing wise for me and I’ve decided to try to wear at least one thing me made each day. I’m hoping this will give me the push I need to spend a little more quality time with the machines. It was an interesting experience as well, as I had my bod bod on show at the beach. I still had a couple of speed wobbles about showing off my cellulite which I was honestly quite surprised about, I totally thought that I was there and proud. Just goes to show that sometimes, we just need to keep working on our self confidence and try to ‘self source’ rather than looking for external validation.

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Modifications: none – this was a straight sew. I would add the flutter sleeves next time and do it in lighter cotton for summer. I also would prefer a more curved hem so I might change that slightly.

Features: there is so many things you could do to this depending on your style. I am loving bias bound at the moment, I think it looks so much cleaner – see here.

Sizing: I always need to mash sizes so this is an XL top to 2XL bottom. I’ll probably take the top in slightly, but then, with the flutter sleeves and elasticated waist it might be best to leave as it.

Wine Pairing: hmmm, light and fizzy – moscato I think.